Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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