I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
