Screwed.edu
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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