Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
