I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
