A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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