the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
