tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
