Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
