Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize