I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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