Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
