According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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