I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
