im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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