Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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