so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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