wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
