I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pants are for mortals
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
