i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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