Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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