listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
