i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
