I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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