Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
