When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
