I am puke
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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