so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
