rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
