I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
