I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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