So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
