You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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