this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
