I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
