when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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