Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
