awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
where are you?
Hypothermia
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
