It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
