Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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