I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
