problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
