The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
