Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
