When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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