She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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