At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
