why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
