Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
