so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
