Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
