Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
