Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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