So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
