Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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