I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
