I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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