My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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