Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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