I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
4 words: hood of his car
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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