apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
