Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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