I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
