i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
