I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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