When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
