i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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