member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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