He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize