A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
