yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
