Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
