dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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