Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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