this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
