What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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