And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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