The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
