I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
